I never wanted to work in the camp
I had heard stories whispered about
Horrible, unbelievable stories
I never believed them
I didn’t want to believe them
But then I was sent to work in the camp
And I knew the stories were true

My first months, perhaps years
I spent trying to cope with what I saw
With what I was asked to do
It was so unfair, the choices
I could obey or die
I chose to live in the hell
I was a coward, I became part of the evil

I left tiny children locked in rooms
Left to play on the corpses of their parents
For weeks they were left as the bodies decayed
I stopped feeding them
The stench was too much for me to bear
They were going to die anyway
It wasn’t my fault
I was just doing what I was told

I had nightmares in the beginning
But I learned to detach myself from my world
I became insensitive in order to survive
If I continued to care I would die
I would have to kill myself
After all, my life was worth something too
I had the right to live also
I had to look out after myself

I was lucky when the enemy came to liberate the camps
I had been moved to another job
I was able to live in a place where no one knew
I blended into post war Germany
It was not too difficult
After all, who would tell?
Who was without shame and guilt?